Violence Against Women in Pre-Marital Relationships: The Ngemblok Tradition among the Muslim Community in Rembang
Abstract
Violence against women occurs not only within households but also in pre-marital relationships, as exemplified by the ngemblok tradition practiced by the Muslim community in Rembang, Central Java. This tradition involves a marriage proposal process where the woman’s family presents goods (seserahan) to the prospective groom to symbolise the binding of their pre-marital relationship. This article aims to analyse the ngemblok tradition, examining the reasons and experiences of those involved, particularly women, and assessing the tradition from the perspectives of state law and human rights. Through in-depth interviews with 16 key informants, including participants in the tradition, the study found that ngemblok facilitates acquaintance between the bride and groom and their families through a matchmaker appointed by the woman’s family. The patriarchal culture grants the woman’s parents, especially the father, unilateral authority in selecting a partner for their daughter, often leading to sexual and psychological violence. Women frequently feel compelled to comply with their parents’ wishes to avoid social stigma and sanctions and to uphold ancestral traditions. This article argues that patriarchal cultural mechanisms render women powerless in ending pre-marital relationships, undermining gender equality and human rights, and perpetuating violence against women.
[Kekerasan terhadap perempuan tidak hanya terjadi dalam rumah tangga, tetapi juga dalam hubungan pranikah. Fenomena tersebut terdapat dalam tradisi ngemblok yang dipraktikkan oleh komunitas muslim di Rembang, Jawa Tengah. Tradisi ini merupakan prosesi peminangan perkawinan yang diinisiasi oleh keluarga perempuan dengan memberikan sejumlah barang (seserahan) kepada calon pengantin laki-laki sebagai simbol pengikatan hubungan pranikah antara kedua calon pengantin. Artikel ini bertujuan untuk menganalisis tradisi ngemblok, alasan dan pengalaman para aktor, terutama perempuan, dalam mempraktikkannya serta bagaimana perspektif hukum negara dan Hak Asasi Manusia terhadap tradisi tersebut. Melalui wawancara secara mendalam dengan 16 informan kunci yang terdiri dari sejumlah aktor yang terlibat dalam tradisi ini, penelitian ini menemukan bahwa tradisi ngemblok bertujuan untuk memfasilitasi kedua calon pengantin dan keluarga untuk saling mengenal dengan perantara mak comblang yang ditunjuk oleh keluarga perempuan. Budaya patriarki mengakibatkan orang tua dari perempuan, terutama ayah, memiliki otoritas sepihak dalam mencarikan pasangan bagi putrinya. Bahkan berkontribusi terhadap kekerasan seksual dan psikologis yang dialami perempuan mereka dalam hubungan pranikah tersebut. Para perempuan sering kali terpaksa mengikuti keinginan sepihak orang tuanya untuk menghindari stigma dan sanksi sosial dari masyarakat serta menjaga tradisi yang telah diwarisi oleh nenek moyang. Artikel ini berargumentasi bahwa mekanisme budaya berbasis patriarki menyebabkan ketidakberdaayaan perempuan sebagai korban dalam mengakhiri hubungan pranikah yang tidak hanya mencederai prinsip-prinsip kesetaraan gender dan Hak Asasi Manusia, tetapi juga pembiaran terhadap perlakuan kekerasan terhadap perempuan.]
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